- Ask the client to identify something they don’t like about themselves.
- Ask them how they feel about that. Likely it will be something “negative”, e.g. frustrated or annoyed.
- Next we talk about that frustration/etc as if it were separate from them - we ask, “what might that be trying to achieve?”
- We keep this questioning going, questioning motive behind the feeling until we hear them reference something along the lines of “it is protecting” or “it is defending”.
- Then we ask, “Who is it defending?” or “Who is it protecting?”
- You will likely get an answer along the lines of, “well, me!”
- Then ask “Why would it do that?”, or “Why would it defend you?”
- We’re digging for the care that underpins that negativity.
- Eventually, when the client has seen enough, you can point out that their negativity is underpinned by love. Isn’t this amazing! All negativity is underpinned by a loving motivation.
Commentary: The insight we are guiding people towards here is that love is our basic state, and negative emotions are “distortions” that are attempting to help. This can be seen at a range of levels, from shallow through to life-changing.